He who dared to dream must be willing to endure the curse of awakening…
It was Friday night of the first week of classes, an unforgettable night. The same weird atmosphere during that night when the ‘Doctors’ received the news of Nanay’s death greeted me when I arrived from school. I froze. My body shivered. My eyes welled even before they could say a word.
Dr. Denise embraced me. “Beth, it’s not as bad as you might be thinking.”
No Dream Lasts Forever
Last Wednesday, Tatay was rushed to the clinic. There was no hospital in our town. Although there was a clinic, where patients might be confined, there were no medical laboratories and other facilities. The lone practicing doctor only had the basic instruments like stethoscope and sphygmomanometer on which to rely for his diagnosis.
This afternoon, Dr. Rob’s father made a long-distance call to tell us that Tatay’s condition did not improve and he needed to be brought to the hospital in the nearby city. They told me that I should not worry because they would take care of the financial requirements. But someone had to take care of Tatay.
Without doubt, our relatives would be more than willing to take care of him. But until when? They also had their responsibilities to their respective families. They also needed to work everyday to be able to provide for their needs. A single day off work could already mean a few days of hunger.
Perhaps, it would not do so much harm if I skipped a few days of classes.
After a few days of confinement and several tests, the doctors concluded that Tatay was suffering from an incurable illness and that he would most likely be bedridden until death.
My relatives encouraged me to return to Cebu and pursue my studies. They assured me that they would take care of Tatay. I didn’t doubt their sincerity. But I knew that their circumstances would not be as generous as their hearts.
The prospect of quitting school altogether and letting go of my dreams was devastating. But the thought of Tatay languishing in a miserable condition without me in his side was terrifying, a sin my conscience couldn’t bear.
The Curse of Awakening
If only dreams were all I got. If only dreams were all I had to live for. If only dreams were everything in my fairy-tale world. But I was not alone dreaming. I was not alone in my fairy-tale world. Even if all my dreams would be fulfilled, would there be any meaning if part of me was gone?
Dreams are only worth the chase while the reason for dreaming subsists. When the reason is gone, so the dreams must go. And it was the three of us, the reason why I dared to dream.
Oh, awakening! It’s a monster no one would ever wish to cross paths with. But, he who dared to dream must be willing to endure the curse of awakening.
It was a difficult but an obvious choice to make.
How could life be so cruel? But it was nothing new. I had been through the worst of times before and I survived. “I will survive. We will survive.”